:: vent ::

by sulis
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:: Saturday, February 02, 2002 ::

I'm having a good day today, I think. Funny how my good days used to be symptom free and my bad days were what my good days are now. I should probably warn anyone who plans on reading this that I'll probably complain a lot.

I've been skimming around online looking for stuff that fits my symptoms, and I found a few archives and message boards with other people's stories, people with chronic illness. Some of them talked about how none of their doctors believed them about their illnesses, too. I'm figuring that mine in chronic something, because I'm sick all the time, but I sure hope it's not something some of these other people had. Most of the people who weren't believed had diabetes and lupus and cancer and fibromyalgia and stuff. I am in awe of people who have illnesses like that and manage to go on with day to day life. I doubt I'd ever be that strong. Of course, I may be stuck in that situation, if I did have something similar. I hope that I could be as strong and inspiring as these people are. On the other hand, I hope I don't have to be.

Symptoms 2/2/02:
Dizziness
Lack of appetite
Tiredness
Joint pain in left ankle and knees only
Rash across nose and slightly on cheekbones, very faded
:: Sulis 2/02/2002 12:48:00 PM [+] ::
...
I've never done a specific journal before, just a general one, but I've been complaining on that one so much lately that I decided I'd make a separate journal for venting about medical problems. I'm supposed to be keeping a journal of my symptoms, and typing is easier than writing.

I'm not exactly sure what is going on in my life right now medically. I've been having some strange symptoms since my senior year in high school. They're on and off, but they've been getting progressively worse. I go to the doctors and they can never find anything wrong. I'm afraid that people I talk to view me as a hypochondriac because of this, and I'm pretty sure that most of my doctors have decided it's all in my head. One even told me that what I might have is CFS, but he thought I was just depressed. Meanwhil, I've had very real symptoms, some of which doctors have admitted to. It gets really frustrating. Especially because a lot of the time I think they may be right. Maybe I am just making all of this up. Maybe I'm just suffering from a psychiatric problem. Maybe I'm making mountains out of molehills. I don't know how I could be in so much pain and have the symptoms I do, but I never test for anything. How can I be sick if I can't be diagnosed?

I wish more than anything that I'd just feel better. I'm tired of dizziness, joint pain, always being tired, pain in general, strange rashes, multitudes of blood tests, thinking that we finally have this thing nailed down only to have negative bloodwork...and yet I feel that when I'm complaining to my family, I'm just confirming to myself and them that I'm a hypochondriac. I guess that was the real reason I decided to make this journal. To give me somewhere to vent guilt free, and to find support from and give support to people who have the same problems, either symptom-wise, or just as far as not being believed goes.

I'm not crazy, and this gives me somewhere to vent without feeling like I am.

Symtoms 2/1/02:
Fatigue/Sleep disturbance
Joint pain in hands, knees, ankles, feet, left hip, right elbow
Lower back pain
Random pain along my left and right sides and in my right shin
Low fever
Rash across nose, cheekbones, and temples, moderate
Lack of appetite
Mild headache and dizziness
Reynaud's Phenomenom
Dry eyes and mouth
Mild tinnitus
:: Sulis 2/02/2002 01:30:00 AM [+] ::
...

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